To be able to think about anything.. just anything other than this for just five seconds would be nice. For this all to be a sick lie. I am in shock. My body is shutting down because it can’t handle this pain. I can’t come to terms with never seeing that amazing smile again. You are a legend. You are my angel.

I’m in shock. I refuse to believe any of this. You’re not fucking gone..

“ When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.

My whole world is caving in. Never should you have been taken from us so early. Pat, you are one of the funniest, most amazing people I have ever known. You have been there for me through thick and thin for so many years. The things I would give just to hug you right now. I can’t accept the fact that I won’t ever get to see that glowing smile again. I feel so lost. You are forever in my heart as my brother, my best friend, my angel in heaven. I love you with absolutely all of my heart. My whole life is changed without you. May you rest in paradise.